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2010 Funniest TV quotes December 18, 2010

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Here they are! 2010’s funniest tv quotes. Granted I haven’t seen every single show out there, but of those that I have, here are my favorite of the year.

“Together we’re like Ghandi….I’m Skinny, and your Tan” — Better Off Ted

“Leonard, wake up, you are missing many excellent super-hero quips” — The Big Bang Theory

“I’m not really necessary. The last time I said that, I was in a three-way with two of the Backstreet Boys” — Jenna, 30Rock

“The Parade was excellent…Angela Lansbury was the Grand Marshal. Good Times, she Wrote.” — Phil, Modern Family

“Oh, you’re exquisite….you must let me paint you” — How I Met Your Mother

“The microwave is for pizza rolls…the oven is for bulky storage!”…The Middle

“My power rangers got married in so may different combinations it was like Fleetwood Mac” — Glee

“This whole experience has been so surreal. I never thought I’d be jealous of the long illustrious run that NBC gave “Joey” — Conan O’Brien

“I’m having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today, because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about living on the bayou.” — Sue, Glee

“I trust award shows….they tell me how much to care about specific dead people” — 30Rock

“You had better get rid of all your booby traps by the time we get back from ham shopping”…Wizards of Waverly Place

“Give me chocolate or I will cut you” — Glee

“Honey, don’t take this the wrong way but I have practically no faith in you” – Clare to Phil, Modern Family

“It’s time to eat the sword” — Cougar Town

Danny: First you have to seek to understand before you can be enlightened.   Steve: I will literally pay you cash to stop talking.  — Hawaii Five-0

“She told me that kids that talk during Wheel of Fortune go blind.” — The Middle

“11 hours and 7 minutes into the Parent Teacher Conference I realized what I hate about these meetings….the other parents” — The Middle

“Did you notice how I used three different inks to express three different feelings?” — The Middle

“Hey Brad…look at you… tap dancing on my porch…where the neighbors can see…” — The Middle

“If they find us in these outfits its going to be very bad for the gays” — Mitchell, Modern Family

“Im not stepping on that one — I’m not playing Good Cop-Mom” – Phil, Modern Family

“Remember when I got my Chinese tattoo that was supposed to say “peace” but they wrote “White hooker” instead? — Jenna, 30Rock

“Your new vibe is a double edged sword, like the one Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with” — Jenna, 30Rock

“You know how I deal with stress? I embrace my Spanish roots — Siestas!” – Cougar Town

“Confession may be good for the soul, but it’s a hot lead enema for a marriage” – Two and a Half Men

“we’re both beautiful people, Lance, we’re bound to get jealous sometimes” – Bones

“I thought the bazinga was implied” – Big Bang Theory

“Why am I always being asked to play redicerous characters?” – Tracey, 30Rock

“I heard it from the lady who was playing Bingo down at Our lady of Reluctant Integration” – 30Rockk

“The skeleton appears to have suffered a great deal of damage in the washer ” — Bones

“They only created “The Girly Show” to counteract the flack they got when they aired “The Bitch Hunter” — 30Rock

“Im just a boy trying to bring style back to traveling” – Manny, Modern Family

Gloria: In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married. But I’m not like that. — Modern Family

Phil Dunphy: Luke’s not much of a clown fan. 

Cameron Tucker: Really?

Phil Dunphy: Yeah, he never liked ’em.

Cameron Tucker: Has he ever seen a good one?

Phil Dunphy: Has anyone? — Modern Family

“There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party, because a Liz Lemon party is mandatory” – 30 Rock

“Is this that tv show where the puppets live in the Barrio?” – Dwight watching Sesame Street on The Office

“Big or small, I don’t like rabbits — they always look like they are going to say something, but they never do” – The Big Bang Theory

“Do you think you could make me pretty again?” -Christine   “When were you pretty?” – The Meany Moms

“homogenic = the tendency to look gay in pictures” – Rules of Engagement

“A) I rarely kid, and B) when I do you will know it by my use of the term “Bazinga” — Big Bang Theory

“Grayson is Pursie-whipped…he’s a lady-butler” – Cougar Town

“whoa, whoa, whoa…if we’re going to talk, I have to go get a can of listening juice” – Rules of engagement

“We are going to help you”…”I doubt that – I haven’t figured out how to do it, and I’m smarter than all of you” — Sheldon, Big Bang Theory

“GE brought good things to life…and bad things to Chinese rivers” – 30Rock

“We were meant to settle for each other…I could open cans and kill bugs for you, and you could make me look less gay at work functions” – Michael Sheen, 30Rock

“When you do something crazy after you break up with someone, tell everyone, because eventually someone will out-crazy you and you’ll feel better about yourself” — Tommy Johnagin, LCS, 2010

Michael “I need your undivided attention”   Dwight: “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention” – The Office

“Happy Valentine’s Day, No-one!” — 30Rock

“What we did last night was perfectly natural…like the wind, or not trusting Canadians”…CougarTown

“Oh God, we have unhappy Germans…nothing good has ever come of that”…Better Off Ted

“Either you don’t care at all, or you care 100-and-crazy percent” – Better Off Ted

“My new computer comes with Windows 7….which is more user-friendly than Windows Vista…I don’t like that.” — Sheldon, Big Bang Theory

“I don’t take the high road…the high road leads to Pansyville” – Better Off Ted

“Who are you calling a cootie-queen you lint-licker?” – Orbitz commercial

“When I pulled my hamstring I went to a misogynist” – Glee

“Dolphins are just gay sharks” ‘- Glee

“Don’t cry for me Tartine” — 30 Rock

“I think it’s an emotion — like “joy”, or “spicy food” — Better Off Ted

“When the sun goes down and the beer starts flowing, that’s when the really good ideas start happening”…Tom Bergeron, America’s Funniest Videos

“I would like to unsubscribe from whatever it is you’re doing right now” — Better Off Ted

“You need more chardoney….oh, and better chardoney” – Cougar Town

“It’s lonely always knowing what’s correct.” – Better Off Ted

2009 TV Scorecard – Best: “V”; “Glee” and “Modern Family” December 3, 2009

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Fall series premiers are getting ever less exciting, and with shows almost completely dependent on ratings and tv commercial dollars, its no wonder that little comes our way anymore on network tv. But there is the occasional breakthrough. Those of us who have had our hearts ripped out with cancellations of such well-done shows as “Eli Stone”; “Wonderfalls”; “Pushing Daisies” and the like, will understandably know why it is hard to commit to watching new series anymore.

The best of the fall bunch, “GLEE”, is a winner. An appealing cast, great scripts, and a strong teen following make this the standout of the fall season. And it’s a musical theatre lover’s dream show. I do hope they finally tie up the ridiculous pregnancy plot, and move on to bigger and better things…but the season has been filled with wonderful things: “Imagine” in sign language; a number in wheelchairs; great guest appearances (bring back John Lloyd Young!)…and a return visit later this season by Kristin Chenowith! Love the show. Keep it coming.

“V” was surprisingly better than expected — mostly because of the top-notch cast. In ABC programming bizareness, the show aired only 4 original episodes this fall, making us wait until spring for more. Bring it on, I’m hooked.

“Modern Family” is the sitcom standout of the season. An appealing and natural looking/acting casts bring some of the season’s most humerous moment to hilarious, embarrassing life. At the middle of it all is Ty Burrell as the yuppie dad-come-nerd, who basically plays his role as if he were a talking dog. Its one of the best, and funniest, sitcom acting turns in ages.

Surprising failures? “FlashForward”. It had the best premier episode of the season. By episode three it had faded into the distance with little interest in the characters. I do wonder why this cast is primarily British, acting with American accents. Joseph Fiennes has a throw-away roll, and not much is made of the other actors in the show. I’m losing interest fast.

In holdover’s – “Castle” is holding it’s own. I’ve really come to love this show, and look forward to my 10:00 Monday night hour of witticism and Nathan Fillion.

“Heroes” jumped the shark months ago, and basically lost my interest in October. I turn it on to catch some of the special effects — but they come few and far between in a show that just needs to be cancelled at this point. Similarly, “The Office” is no longer funny, and “30Rock” better find a way to get itself out of its NBC-studios insider jokes and back to the broad comedy that others could relate to pretty darn fast. “Community” is occasionally funny, and moreso if you work or attend that setting, but it is rather one-note.

Among the holdovers that still hold my interest are “How I Met Your Mother”, which is getting better, now that they are less concerned about Josh Radnor’s (lack of) love life, and focusing more on it’s more interesting characters — and “The Big Bang Theory” which episode per episode has the most laugh-out-loud moments on television, and a quote-worthy statement every single week. Take Raj’s observation that “If I could speak to rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king” and Sheldon’s comment that “Cats refuse to wear sporting apparel…as my sister found out the hard way”. This is genius stuff.

Otherwise, I’ve found myself watching a lot of Netflix DVD’s instead.

And that’s the view from Ann Arbor today.

Paris, September 2009 — and Glee!! September 20, 2009

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Fleeing Ann Arbor for a week to visit beloved Paris, it felt good to have a break where absolutely nothing was planned, just whatever came my way — and lots did; including Disneyland Paris; Versailles; The Louvre; the Musee D’Orsay; restaurants; a day floating down the Seine; some shopping; and other general Parisian-type things. I don’t know which trip this was, but my current passport has 14 admissions to France; I’d have to find my old Passport somewhere to see how many are on there — but I’m venturing this was about my 20th trip to Paris.

Versailles was pretty as a post card the day we went. I stayed with my friend Michele, who had the opportunity to hang out with me all week!…But it was all wonderful to just go from experience to experience as it came. We had lots of coffee on the way; some Berthillion Ice Cream one night, and our favorite pizza a couple nights too.

Being mostly a musical theatre blog, I should probably take a moment to say that the current musical theatre scene in Paris is BLEAK — Elton John’s The Lion King (Le Roi Lion) is back for it’s yearly appearance; and the umpteenth tour of the British Grease is back in town.

All in all, a fantastic get-away…and what a surprise to get home, watch GLEE on the DVR, and find that John Lloyd Young was among the guest stars in the Acafellas (with an addiction to cold medicine!)….And Vocal Adrenaline’s Mercy number was a gem. Despite the fact that almost every single one of the “teens” at this Lima, OH high school is at least 12 years too old for the part, its still the smartest, funniest, and quirkiest show of the season. In a dream world, I’d be watching Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone, and Glee on alternate nights — as it stands, GLEE is the only creative new show of the season. Lets hope it doesn’t get cancelled as fast as PD and ES. “I bust the windows out yer car”…ha! I want to cameo on the show, just like Josh Groban got to do.

And now that I’m back in Ann Arbor, things are back to normal…Let’s see how long the good buzz from this vacation lasts — I give it a week.

By the way, the new Paris photos are at: ronannarbor.smugmug.com/Other/Paris-September-2009

“Glee” on Fox – September 16th July 20, 2009

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It’s Back!!! Well, almost…

GLEE, which made it’s Fox premier back in May to reel-in the American Idol audience returns (hopefully for a long healthy run) on Wednesday September 16th.

glee1 copy

Starring Matthew Morrison (Broadway’s Hairspray, The Light in the Piazza, and South Pacific) and with the craftsmenship of Broadway veterans from stage design to performance, the show is already a cult favorite, and is sure to be one of the biggest hits of the fall. It’s also sure to make a star of Cory Montieth as the macho football-player-turned-showchoir-leadmale…(Cory also follows in Fox’s long string of shows starring 27 year olds playing 16 year olds…)

The reviews have generally been glowing. The 2nd and 3rd episodes have already been screened at Fox and reviews report they are even BETTER than the premier. The show has also promo-ed the second episode at LA’s OutFest, and are promo-ing the third episode at ComicCon…

I haven’t seen Fox put this amount of hype into a show in a long time — and deservedly so. It’s got a fresh, exciting cast, and true talent both in front of and behind the scenes. I’m rooting for GLEE to have a long, healthy run on Fox. Lets hope the audiences follow. This is the first musical comedy show on primetime that stands a chance since FAME all those long years ago.

You can see the premier episode of GLEE here for free (Hulu membership required): http://www.hulu.com/watch/73740/glee-pilot

You can buy the premier episode on iTunes.