Funniest TV Quotes 2012

Here it is — my favorite/funniest quotes list of the best of TV 2012 — of course, I haven’t seen every show, but of those I have, here’s the annual list!  Enjoy —

“Do you smell that? Fresh cut grass.”

“Well, if its fresh cut its not ours.” — The Middle

“I prepared the clams in the traditional way, and then sampled them, and disposed of them. You can thank me very much.” – Happy Endings

Emma: “Got anything in that bag that can help me with a beanstalk?”

Mulan: “A hook.”

Cpt Hook: “Hey!” — Once Upon a Time

“Pastel walls give me the chills” – The New Girl

“So Mike and Rusty made up, which wasn’t too hard since Rusty didn’t even realize they were in a fight” — The Middle

“I don’t know what you two are up to. I think its amazing. I want no part of it.” — Happy Endings

“This place is so unappealing even I don’t look good here” — 2 Broke Girls

“For heavens sake, change out of those wingtips, your a kid…your not Nixon on the beach” – Modern Family

“You have to outsing Anna!…Do you know “Send in the Clowns?” cause I could help you” — Ben and Kate

“Our community has not yet learned how to modulate baby gifts” — Modern Family

“Robin and Patrice’s BFF Fun Day!” — HIMYM

“Do not fall into the evidence, Hodgins….it will only add to the humiliation” — Bones

“You can’t ask Wil Wheaton to leave…he’s a minor celebrity….once you explain who he is people recognize him” — The Big Bang Theory

“We’ve been laughing all night! (long pause). Except for right now, now its just weird” – Suburgatory

“Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie” – Modern Family

‎”The thing I learned from ‘Hoarders’ is that it usually doesn’t end well for the cats” — The Middle

“I figured the best way to talk to Models was just to point to things and label them — this table is round and flat” — The New Girl

“That girl is so whack, her first name should be Knick-Knack-Patty” — Happy Endings

“Neither you, nor Cleveland, knows how to get over someone leaving you” – HIMYM

“Oh Damnit, I forgot to punish Brick”

“He didn’t lick another mailbox, did he?” — The Middle

Becket: “Take your hand off your tool, Marco”

Castle: (snickers)

Becket: “Shut up” — Castle

“A suicidal lemur has got my gun” — American Dad

“Was it great? No…was it good?….no” — Partners

“Twitter is stupid, and Instagram is Twitter for people who can’t read” — 2 Broke Girls

“Why was this more fun when we were kids?”

“Because when we were kids we didn’t have kids” – The Middle

“See, this is why my people spank” — The New Normal

“I don’t know, I’ve always been a bit of a saboteur” — Happy Endings

“Cleanings not her thing, but she has other strengths”

“Em, I don’t see them” — Two Broke Girls

“I am so tired of people using ‘Vanilla Sky’ to defend everything.” — Happy Endings

“I’m not completely secure when I sneeze” –Patsy, AbFab Olympics Special

“No one is going to judge me on my past. Everyone is going to judge me on my cheerleading talent alone.”

“She keeps saying that like its a good thing” — The Middle

“I won’t change too much — I’ll be like the old me, only a little bit different….like a Coldplay album” — Not Going Out

“That sounds like quite an embroglio”…Cougar Town

“If we don’t find that tutu, we’ll have to cut Clara, which will make us look ridiculous” — Bunheads

“Oh, how very Turning Point” — Bunheads

“That rude Roo ruined my room” — Suburgatory

“I’m only an okay storm, I’m not a perfect storm” — Cougar Town

“You are clearly having thoughts….you should go see the Guidance Counselor” — The Middle

‎”Want to see some real zombies, check out the red carpet at the Tony Awards” — Castle

“I don’t miss the sex…I miss summer in Minsk….I miss smoking in hospitals.” — Two Broke Girls

” I didn’t roll my eyes…I just had to really quickly look at the ceiling” –The New Girl

“Are you a Bond villain? Cause you just told me your whole plan”…The New Girl

“I was gonna help you, but then I didn’t want to”….Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23

“When I get married, I hope I’m just as pregnant as you”…Cougar Town

“How many times have I said I want to do beading?”

“I don’t know…never?” — The Middle

“These shorts are for a younger person, wouldn’t you say?” — Sprint Commercial

“I’m KFC, baby….you don’t mess with the Colonel’s recipe….”  — Barney, HIMYM

“Do you know what the worst part of today was?”

“I imagine it’s hard to choose….” — Modern Family

“There’s no availability at the Inn…” – Bones

“Ive never said you are not good at what you do….it’s just that what you do isn’t worth doing….” – Big bang Theory

“I broke my leg while ski-boxing….it’s a sport created by energy drinks” — Happy Endings

“I knew our group would get weird….now I know what it was like to be in ‘No Doubt'” — Whitney

“Usually my hook is that its closing time and I’m there”….The New GIrl

‘OMG, I have been doing this a long time and I have never seen a credit score that low…did you just

wake up from a coma?”….The New Girl

“Dahlia, you can’t just throw Hangover Monkeys at the problem.” — Suburgatory

“Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme” – Modern Family

“I have tons of wallet chains you can borrow” — Schmidt, The New Girl

“People are talking…okay, it’s mostly us…and that’s usually how it starts…” — Suburgatory

“I love you….I blew up a Chipotle for you!” — 2 Broke Girls

“I do things….I read half a book about Zombies…”  – Nick, The New GIrl

“Can I offer you a Swedish Massage….accent optional?”…Phil, Modern Family

“This is a horrible neighborhood…there are youths everywhere.”

“Youths???…Who are you, Officer Krupke?” — The New Girl

“I don’t think its fair for me to be on a jury, because I am a hologram” — 30Rock

“Now she’s cavorting with dwarves? When did THAT happen?” – Evil Queen, Once Upon a Time

“Oh my God, I’ve been using an old hooker’s lipgloss” — Two Broke Girls

“Damn it, I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere” — Schmidt, The New Girl

“Its my fault the dog fell in the pool…I let her out but then got caught up in my couponing” – Manny, Modern Family

“Do you know what’s under that hockey jersey?”

“A Family Guy tattoo?” — Happy Endings

“Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto” – The Big Bang Theory

%d bloggers like this: