It’s that time of year again! Granted I have not seen every single minute of every tv show this past year — but its been darn close…So here they are, this year’s Funniest TV quotes….
“I did not know you are not allowed to say “suck it” to security at the airport” – The Middle
Sue: “Dad, you don’t have to medicate with alcohol.” Mike: “Look around, I think I do.” – The Middle
“I told you all about these bells….” – The New Girl
“I have complete faith in you”….”Oh, that’s what everyone says, at first” — Last Man Standing
“Our house is where fun comes to die” — The Middle
Leonard: “Do you think we can outrun him?” Sheldon: “I don’t need to outrun him, I just need to outrun YOU” — Big bang Theory
“Who might be up for a wee bit of mischief?” “Leprechauns?” — Rules of Engagement
“How long are you going to ignore me?” “Until the shame cloud clears” — Modern Family
“Hey, what now? – Happy Endings
“Want to play Librarian?….I’ll read and six hours later you tell me the Library is closing” — The Middle
“in my country, its considered really bad luck if the house burns down” – Modern Family
“Ever since Dalia failed her career aptitude test we’ve been working really hard to make sure she has one.” “A career?” “No, an aptitude” — Suburgatory
“He’s a total Matthau” — The New Girl
“It’s just that when I hear him say things like “I want a Divorce” and “You Disgust me” I begin to think that something is wrong.” — Rules of Engagement
“Yours is a true Cinderella story. You stayed in the ball for eight weeks, now it’s midnight and it’s time for you to go home.” — DWTS
“Okay, that went a little too far” — Grimm
“At our age it’s not things that make us happy….its cigarettes and booze” — The Middle
“We’re a family and families talk about things” “No, No they don’t. They ignore them until they go away”….The New Girl
“There are a lot of things I’m not into…I’m not into kale, but it keeps showing up on my dinner plate” — Last Man Standing
“Oh, Heavens to Gretzky!” – Canadian Barney, How I Met Your Mother
“What gave you the idea for my Day of Beauty?” “All the Other Days” — Rules of Engagement
“There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional” — The Office
“Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong…I just don’t live with the right people for that” — Modern Family
“Next thing you know, there’ll be stop signs at every corner…go ask Canada how that worked out?” — Modern Family
Howard: “Ma, do you mind if Bernadette sleeps over tonight?” Mother’s Voice: “Frankly after all your sleepovers with the little brown boy, a girl is a relief” — Big Bang Theory
“Fiber makes me….sad”…Fiber One commercial
“My circus-like childhood makes the most bizarre things seem normal” – Wizards of Waverly Place
“Lemon, you risked everything for the show that TV Guide once called “Still On”…30Rock
”I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.” ~Claire, Modern Family
“The idea of all of us vacationing together is so bad I’m making up a new word — ‘gagbysmal’ ” — Grayson, Cougar Town
“You are not giving him that…” “Even if he drinks his other gift first?” — Modern Family
“What’s happening people? Our hubris will be our undoing” – Modern Family
“Why did you bring him, he’s harshing my buzz” – The Big Bang Theory
“Sir, if you say one more syllable, that’s a haiku” — 30Rock
“I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch” — 30Rock
“What is this multi-billion dollar system missing?” “Multi-billion dollars” — Modern Family
“It’s OK Jack — you made a bad decision and bought something you didn’t understand…like when I bought tickets to “Black Swan” — 30 Rock
“Reese Witherspoon is just a like-able version of me” — Jenna, 30Rock
“I’ve pretty much reached my target weight….the problem is I haven’t yet reached my target height” — Manny, Modern Family
“You pierced Lily’s ears??” “Did you see both sides? I didn’t just do the gay ear…” — Gloria, Modern Family
“Is it hot in here, big man?” — Better With You
“Number of days without work related injury: 0” – Mike’s Office, The Middle
“How are we going to take care of that? Look around — this is where things come to break” — The Middle
“It’s America Night, and It’s so good to see Cheryl showing off the Rocky Mountains there” — Len, DWTS
“Should vaginatorium be capitalized?” — 30Rock
“Years from now some of these children will still be talking about the way I Sondheim-ized them.” — Modern Family
“If you pester celebrities long enough eventually they have to notice you”…Mr. Sunshine
“You are a devourer of dreams…You are PacMan in cargo pants…” – Danny to Steve, Hawaii Five-0
“Here we go, your loud and proud, you have your dumplings boiling over” …DWTS Bruno to Wendy Williams
“Dancing is movement to music…well, you did move, and there was music”… DWTS Len to Mike Catherwood
“I need to look good for my party, and I refuse to wear anything in my size or appropriate for my age”…Angie, 30Rock
“We are beyond blotting and rubbing, we’ve moved on to sweating and crying.”…Modern Family
“You want to put me in a Rudy-mindset?” – Perfect Couples
“Oh Dude, Scooby got out.”…HIMYM
“It’s like the Apple Store…without the ethnic diversity” — Outsourced
“I’m fired? Great…this is the CandleShack at the mall all over again.” — Will Forte, HIMYM
“What’s wrong with Canada???…Your milk comes in bags…bags!…and your Pavilion at Epcot doesn’t have a ride!” — 30Rock
“I’ve had three chances. Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw. And I blew all three… Opportunities!” — Liz, 30Rock
“I could never pretend to love my beautiful daughter, Emily Dickinson the cat.” – Liz Lemon, 30Rock
“My work has been stressful too…I have a big memo due by the end of the month” — The Middle
“He certainly wasn’t a Swiss prostitute that Martha Stewart recommended to me.” — Jack , 30Rock
“I just try to be really really honest with people when I think that they suck” — Glee
“What do your ears hear when we talk??” – Rules of Engagement
“Don’t harsh on Smith, he just bought you all drinks” – Cougar Town
“If I can dance on woodchips at camp, I can dance on Anything!”…The Middle
“It’s not you, its me…thinking you can do it…I’m a tough coach, there’ll be tears…from both of us”…The Middle
“Hey, look at you square dancing in the garage…where the neighbors can see”…The Middle
“What scares you about riding a bike?” “Losing control and falling down” — Gloria, Modern Family
“Clare was furious….she said I had betrayed her on every level. So I called the florist and ordered a dozen mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad at that” – Phil, Modern Family
“Laser Tag knows no age restrictions…kind of like strippers in the midwest” – How I Met Your Mother
“I have a fire drill tomorrow…If I’m going to keep my hands to myself and line up in an orderly fashion I am going to have to get my sleep” – Brick, The Middle
“Why does fun always have a price?” The Middle
“I want to hear all about Mitchell in High School….did he have a beard?” “You’re looking at her” — Modern Family
“Why do I have to watch a French movie?….I didn’t do anything wrong”…Phil, Modern Family
Mostly Musical Theatre 