Funniest TV Quotes 2011 December 27, 2011Posted by ronannarbor in Entertainment, TV.
Tags: funniest tv quotes 2011
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It’s that time of year again! Granted I have not seen every single minute of every tv show this past year — but its been darn close…So here they are, this year’s Funniest TV quotes….
“I did not know you are not allowed to say “suck it” to security at the airport” – The Middle
Sue: “Dad, you don’t have to medicate with alcohol.” Mike: “Look around, I think I do.” – The Middle
“I told you all about these bells….” – The New Girl
“I have complete faith in you”….”Oh, that’s what everyone says, at first” — Last Man Standing
“Our house is where fun comes to die” — The Middle
Leonard: “Do you think we can outrun him?” Sheldon: “I don’t need to outrun him, I just need to outrun YOU” — Big bang Theory
“Who might be up for a wee bit of mischief?” ”Leprechauns?” — Rules of Engagement
“How long are you going to ignore me?” ”Until the shame cloud clears” — Modern Family
“Hey, what now? – Happy Endings
“Want to play Librarian?….I’ll read and six hours later you tell me the Library is closing” — The Middle
“in my country, its considered really bad luck if the house burns down” – Modern Family
“Ever since Dalia failed her career aptitude test we’ve been working really hard to make sure she has one.” ”A career?” ”No, an aptitude” — Suburgatory
“He’s a total Matthau” — The New Girl
“It’s just that when I hear him say things like “I want a Divorce” and “You Disgust me” I begin to think that something is wrong.” — Rules of Engagement
“Yours is a true Cinderella story. You stayed in the ball for eight weeks, now it’s midnight and it’s time for you to go home.” — DWTS
“Okay, that went a little too far” — Grimm
“At our age it’s not things that make us happy….its cigarettes and booze” — The Middle
“We’re a family and families talk about things” ”No, No they don’t. They ignore them until they go away”….The New Girl
“There are a lot of things I’m not into…I’m not into kale, but it keeps showing up on my dinner plate” — Last Man Standing
“Oh, Heavens to Gretzky!” – Canadian Barney, How I Met Your Mother
“What gave you the idea for my Day of Beauty?” ”All the Other Days” — Rules of Engagement
“There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional” — The Office
“Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong…I just don’t live with the right people for that” — Modern Family
“Next thing you know, there’ll be stop signs at every corner…go ask Canada how that worked out?” — Modern Family
Howard: “Ma, do you mind if Bernadette sleeps over tonight?” Mother’s Voice: “Frankly after all your sleepovers with the little brown boy, a girl is a relief” — Big Bang Theory
“Fiber makes me….sad”…Fiber One commercial
“My circus-like childhood makes the most bizarre things seem normal” – Wizards of Waverly Place
“Lemon, you risked everything for the show that TV Guide once called “Still On”…30Rock
”I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.” ~Claire, Modern Family
“The idea of all of us vacationing together is so bad I’m making up a new word — ‘gagbysmal’ ” — Grayson, Cougar Town
“You are not giving him that…” ”Even if he drinks his other gift first?” — Modern Family
“What’s happening people? Our hubris will be our undoing” – Modern Family
“Why did you bring him, he’s harshing my buzz” – The Big Bang Theory
“Sir, if you say one more syllable, that’s a haiku” — 30Rock
“I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch” — 30Rock
“What is this multi-billion dollar system missing?” ”Multi-billion dollars” — Modern Family
“It’s OK Jack — you made a bad decision and bought something you didn’t understand…like when I bought tickets to “Black Swan” — 30 Rock
“Reese Witherspoon is just a like-able version of me” — Jenna, 30Rock
“I’ve pretty much reached my target weight….the problem is I haven’t yet reached my target height” — Manny, Modern Family
“You pierced Lily’s ears??” ”Did you see both sides? I didn’t just do the gay ear…” — Gloria, Modern Family
“Is it hot in here, big man?” — Better With You
“Number of days without work related injury: 0″ – Mike’s Office, The Middle
“How are we going to take care of that? Look around — this is where things come to break” — The Middle
“It’s America Night, and It’s so good to see Cheryl showing off the Rocky Mountains there” — Len, DWTS
“Should vaginatorium be capitalized?” — 30Rock
“Years from now some of these children will still be talking about the way I Sondheim-ized them.” — Modern Family
“If you pester celebrities long enough eventually they have to notice you”…Mr. Sunshine
“You are a devourer of dreams…You are PacMan in cargo pants…” – Danny to Steve, Hawaii Five-0
“Here we go, your loud and proud, you have your dumplings boiling over” …DWTS Bruno to Wendy Williams
“Dancing is movement to music…well, you did move, and there was music”… DWTS Len to Mike Catherwood
“I need to look good for my party, and I refuse to wear anything in my size or appropriate for my age”…Angie, 30Rock
“We are beyond blotting and rubbing, we’ve moved on to sweating and crying.”…Modern Family
“You want to put me in a Rudy-mindset?” – Perfect Couples
“Oh Dude, Scooby got out.”…HIMYM
“It’s like the Apple Store…without the ethnic diversity” — Outsourced
“I’m fired? Great…this is the CandleShack at the mall all over again.” — Will Forte, HIMYM
“What’s wrong with Canada???…Your milk comes in bags…bags!…and your Pavilion at Epcot doesn’t have a ride!” — 30Rock
“I’ve had three chances. Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw. And I blew all three… Opportunities!” — Liz, 30Rock
“I could never pretend to love my beautiful daughter, Emily Dickinson the cat.” – Liz Lemon, 30Rock
“My work has been stressful too…I have a big memo due by the end of the month” — The Middle
“He certainly wasn’t a Swiss prostitute that Martha Stewart recommended to me.” — Jack , 30Rock
“I just try to be really really honest with people when I think that they suck” — Glee
“What do your ears hear when we talk??” – Rules of Engagement
“Don’t harsh on Smith, he just bought you all drinks” – Cougar Town
“If I can dance on woodchips at camp, I can dance on Anything!”…The Middle
“It’s not you, its me…thinking you can do it…I’m a tough coach, there’ll be tears…from both of us”…The Middle
“Hey, look at you square dancing in the garage…where the neighbors can see”…The Middle
“What scares you about riding a bike?” ”Losing control and falling down” — Gloria, Modern Family
“Clare was furious….she said I had betrayed her on every level. So I called the florist and ordered a dozen mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad at that” – Phil, Modern Family
“Laser Tag knows no age restrictions…kind of like strippers in the midwest” – How I Met Your Mother
“I have a fire drill tomorrow…If I’m going to keep my hands to myself and line up in an orderly fashion I am going to have to get my sleep” – Brick, The Middle
“Why does fun always have a price?” The Middle
“I want to hear all about Mitchell in High School….did he have a beard?” ”You’re looking at her” — Modern Family
“Why do I have to watch a French movie?….I didn’t do anything wrong”…Phil, Modern Family
Broadway Reviews – Bonnie & Clyde; On a Clear Day; Follies; Anything Goes; Lysistrata Jones; War Horse December 19, 2011Posted by ronannarbor in Broadway Musicals, musical theater, Musicals, Theatre.
Tags: Anything Goes, Bernadette Peters, Bonnie & Clyde musical, Follies, Harry Connick Jr., Jeremy Jordan, Laura Osnes, Lysistrata Jones, On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, War Horse Broadway, WIldhorn
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Nothing like some Broadway for the holidays!…from the ridiculous to the superb….
Lets go from the worst to the best from this holiday visit:
On a Clear Day You can See Forever, the book-plagued but melody-lush Lerner and Lane musical, stars Harry Connick Jr so it is selling tickets well, despite dismal reviews after opening last week. And those dismal reviews are well-earned.
Director Michael Mayer decided the already terrible book wasn’t good enough, so he had Peter Parnell write an even worse one. In this version, Daisy is replaced by David, an ineffectual gay man who is the reincarnation of 40′s singer bombshell Melinda with whom Psychiatrist Connick Jr falls in love. David (a good David Turner) has a decent boyfriend (Drew Gehling, very good) to whom he has trouble committing, now that he is falling in love with straight Psychiatrist Connick Jr. The more Psychiatrist Connick Jr. hypnotizes David to get at Melinda (a sublime Jessie Mueller), the more convoluted, unbelievable, and disinteresting it all gets. There are some mind-bogglingly awful costumes provided by Catherine Zuber and some even worse sets designed by Christine Jones — all over-lit by Kevin Adams.
The music is lush and sounds great. In particular Jessie Mueller’s big band numbers bring some life to the proceedings (most of her songs are imported from Lerner and Lane’s movie Royal Wedding) with additional songs imported from the movie version, as if the musical isn’t already too long.
Harry Connick Jr, the clear star around whom this production is built, sings well, moves stiffly, and looks like he would rather be anywhere else but on stage at the St. James Theater. Most likely across the street reprising his own Broadway concert from last season, alas, delegated to Hugh Jackman this winter. Don’t expect this one to be around past January — so see it now if you must. 2 stars (of 4), and 1 star if it were not for the good leading cast.
By the way — post-show, W 44th Street becomes one of the biggest crowd control problems I have seen in New York in years. Since both shows end at the same time, and huge crowds grow in front of the stagedoors of both Hugh Jackman’s concert across the street, and those awaiting Psychiatrist Connick Jr. The street is blocked off to all traffic, and it’s general chaos. Plan your escape route in advance.
At the end of the block, there is a crowd-control problem of it’s own in Follies at the Marquis Theater.
The ugly poster design for the show should be enough to warn you of what is to come: a sumptiously costumed, overly star-laden adaptation of Sondheim’s Follies. Imported from the Kennedy Center, the show stars bland Ron Raines as Ben (sorry Ron, I know you were my next door neighbor in NYC for years, but its true); the too-old Bernadette Peters as Sally (she gets unintentional laughs when she says “what am I going to do with the rest of my life at the age of 49″); the too-young Danny Burstein as Buddy; and the excellent Jan Maxwell as Phyllis.
Also crammed in are Elaine Paige, not given enough to do; Don Correia (a virtual afterthought); Terri White (in the sole standout number in the show, Whose that Woman); and a handful of other Broadway work horses.
Granted, I have never liked Follies as a show — it’s plotless meanderings are driven by the emotional content of two relationships falling apart. The symbology of “ghosts” floating throughout the dilapidating theater overkill. The parallels to “young” Sally, Ben, Buddy, and Phyllis hitting you over the head throughout. Here, the ghosts are dressed in some of the most glamorous costumes to grace the Broadway stage in many years (Gregg Barnes) — it’s a shame you can’t see them in Natasha Katz’s woefully under-lit design.
It’s all very pretty, and well staged by Eric Schaeffer, but its tired, and ultimately uninvolving. If the cast hasn’t gripped you and caused you to feel something for them, by the time you get to Loveland, the whole thing is just an exercise in stage design. And that’s what you have here. Colorful and bland. 3 out of 4 stars. Worth seeing, if you have the time. It closes at the end of January, so you have another month.
It’s a good season for musicals on both 44th and 45th streets. Down the road, the new Bonnie & Clyde is quickly driving into oblivion (it closes on December 30th).
Now, let me preface this with the statement that I really really liked Bonnie & Clyde, and I am saddened that the producers chose to close it (most likely due to the horrible reviews from the NYTimes and from the WSJ). The audience all seemed to enjoy it too — and the single comment I heard the most at intermission was shock that the show had posted a closing notice.
This is Wildhorn’s strongest score to date; and it has a quartet of very appealing leads in Jeremy Jordan (Clyde); Laura Osnes (Bonnie); Claybourne Elder (Buck) and Melissa Van Der Schyff (Blanche). Jeremy and Laura, in particular, are sexy together, and they bring a level of interest to two characters who could otherwise be seen as quite unsympathetic. You already know how it ends (in fact, it’s made clear in the first measures of the show exactly how it will end), but it’s well written and it reaches its conclusion logically and not without feeling.
Tobin Osts set and costumes are spot-on, and there is generous use of projections by Aaron Rhyne (also well done). Local Encore Artistic Director Dan Cooney is in the Ensemble and is fun in many of the small roles that he plays. In fact, this entire ensemble is terrific.
Closing the show will, however, allow Jeremy Jordan to return to Newsies (opening in March), and look for him to become a major breakout star once his movie Joyful Noise arrives in movie theaters.
There’s an air of “dead-show-walking” when you see a musical knowing it has already posted a notice. But it gives one a good glimpse into how New York critics are currently out of touch with popular theater and audience likes/dislikes. This is a show that in seasons past might have run for months and months. Now, in our economic climate, producers are unwilling to take any risk in the show, and are closing it on December 30th to allow them to take their tax write-offs this spring rather than next. It’s all sad. 3 stars out of 4.
But wait — there’s a surprise in store a few blocks north!
Chalk up another hit for Douglas Carter Beane, who has created the funniest, craziest, and warmest script of the season in adapting Aristophanes Lysistrata to modern-day college basketball players and cheerleaders.
The show has an off-Broadway feel (not surprising, given it’s off-Broadway roots) which is fresh on Broadway. Stylistically, the musical is very similar to Xanadu from a few seasons back. There are a few dirty jokes and some lame “drawings” in which the cheerleaders demonstrate what will be withheld from the men on the basketball team if they don’t win a game (the school has not won a game in 33 years).
The ensemble cast is wonderful top to bottom, and they are clearly having fun. Director/Choreograper Dan Knechtges keeps it all moving at a swift, entertaining pace, and Lewis Flinn has written some genuine tuners. Yep, a musical with a great script, great cast, great music. And despite rave reviews, virtually no audience. I saw it papered by friends. Half the house seemed to be papered. If this one doesn’t pick up some legit paying audience, it’s not going to be around for long. See it now, it’s well worth it. 3 1/2 stars out of 4.
What’s to add about one of the best reviewed shows of the year, Roundabout’s Anything Goes:
Sutton Foster is knocking them dead in Anything Goes, Kathleen Marshall’s homage to the musicals of the 30′s. Using the recent Lincoln Center revival script, but ratcheting up the dance quotient, the show looks, sounds, and is terrific. The Anything Goes tap number that rounds out Act I is spectacular — and Sutton Foster, as Reno, kicks up her tapping shoes and joins right in. It, and Blow Gabriel Blow, are the biggest numbers in the show, and what a thrill to see the entire cast participate in these big numbers.
The stark while gorgeous three-floor set looms throughout in the background, and Kathleen uses all three of those levels to great effect, especially when the big numbers break out. Things look like they are going to keep tapping along here for a long long time.
Finally — a visit to New York’s War Horse, at Lincoln Center which I originally saw in London several years ago.
There isn’t much I can add to the many rave reviews that this production has received (including the Tony award for Best Play this spring). Combining some live-action, with amazing puppetry, and whizbang scenic design, the show is even larger in it’s Vivian Beaumont home. It’s hard to imagine this show touring — but there is one in the works for the coming season, so you will be able to see it for yourself soon if you can’t make it to New York.
I’m looking forward to the movie this Christmas (based on the book, not this theatrical version); but there is something about seeing the sheer theater magic take place before your eyes that make this a very special show indeed. Having seen it twice now, I can tell how the show manipulates the emotions (the tears come in the exact same places night after night); but its so well done that you go with it and you emerge in a somewhat transfixed state. War is hell. People know that. Seen through the eyes of the horses who don’t comprehend but do react to noise, pain, shock, and gunshots, it illuminates the horrors of war in a way that sometimes people alone can not. 4 stars out of 4.